do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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