Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
