I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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