The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
