I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
