Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
