Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
