So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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