she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
