dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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