I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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