just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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