dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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