Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
