you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
