Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
