My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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