when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
