how hairy? two words: wookie tits
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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