I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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