I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
