your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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