Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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