Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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