So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
