I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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