I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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