I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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