Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
