pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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