I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
