I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
