If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
