Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
