i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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