Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
