It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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