I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
