How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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