Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
