your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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