So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
