Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
