At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
