I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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