life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
