if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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