my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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