The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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