my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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