When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
