yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
