The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
